Just listening… it seems so ineffectual when someone asks if that’s all a chaplain does. But this article, and the research behind it, demonstrate that listening and affirming conversation helps us to feel connected to others and is one of the most powerful ways to help someone manage their emotions.
From The NY Times: “When a friend, partner, family member or co-worker is upset, you’ve probably wondered how best to make them feel better. Let them vent? Offer a chocolate bar? Give them space so they can have a good cry? The ideal approach depends on the person and the context, experts say. But a limited yet growing body of research suggests that one of the most powerful ways to soothe a person’s feelings is to start a conversation.
“… Validation was the clear winner. Participants said they found affirming comments like, “I can imagine that was difficult,” to be more comforting than other kinds of feedback that tried to help a person change their thinking about the problem, like, “Try to see both sides of the situation” or “Try to focus on the glass half-full instead of half-empty.”
“When people hear you and they say they understand you, you feel trusted, you feel cared for, you feel connected,” Ms. Sahi said, “and feeling connected to other people is extremely, extremely important for us.””